You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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