You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
