What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?