The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent