why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!