It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused