His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.