you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Drunk is not a location!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
