So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize