My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birth control should be required to get into college
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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