one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
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Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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