it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize