as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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