I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify