There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.