Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
