So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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