he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
