I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
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i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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