wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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