i was born a porn star she said
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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