Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
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ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
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I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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