I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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