and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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