i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
