I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
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I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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