just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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