my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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