Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
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I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
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I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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