dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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