I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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