ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
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Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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