The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just had sex on a roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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