I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
