just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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