I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
