I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
