my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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