I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
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I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.