He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
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I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.