You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.