I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.