how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.