Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...