Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
