alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
