i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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