wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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