you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Someone came in the potted fern
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
