I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
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Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
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The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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