If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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