some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
