So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
Cake is only good when you eat it
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
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He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
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Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.