just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
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Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
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And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize