so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
