I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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