he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
