Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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