she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.