if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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