I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
