Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize