i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
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I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
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The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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